Village stay -complete!!
It's hard to believe that the village say is over. I don't even know where to begin describing the second portion of the village stay and all the thoughts and emotions that are going through my mind right now. We only left Monday morning, and already it seems so long ago so I'm going to try to get some stuff down now. Once settled in Accra though I'll be going through my journal and revisiting the village stay - so apologies in advance if this is kind of jumbled and incoherent - it's simply a reflection of my current mid-transition state of mind.
Going back to the village after retreat was a lot easier than I thought it would be. The kids especially seemed happy to have me back - though that may have been because I brought them candy. About a week in, I was writing a letter to my sister, and when I started writing about how homesick I was I realized...I wasn't. It dawned on me that I was comfortable in my village. Sure, there were things that frustrated me, and stressed me out. But the anxiety was gone. And with it that burning desire to just be home again - something which I hadn't really realized was fading. It was like I was homesick out of habit....and its not to say the homesickness stopped; but its was (and is) no longer such a dominant feeling.
This realization was amazing. Being able to let go of my own stuff really opened me up to what was going in the village. I feel like I was able to do a lot more reflecting on the village, my family situation, the cocoa industry, and poverty in general. I didn't actually do a lot of farming while I was back. When I arrived, my family was in the drying portion of the cocoa production cycle so my host father was not going to farm. Rather, he stayed home, and each morning opened up the racks in compound where the cocoa was being dried, mixing it with his hands and overseeing the process. I would mostly sit out with him and the other family members and chat, or read, and greet people on the road. I also spend a day sitting at the shop with my sister, mostly just waiting and greeting people - though I did sell a couple of pure water sachets. The next couple of weeks, when my father started going to the farm I was sick - just a throat infection but I had a fever, so I had to go to the hospital. My host father pretty much insisted I go right away because here, a fever means malaria. I was ok, though they treated me for malaria juts in case - but I still had to rest, and once I was better I had to go in to visit a group member who was hospitalized with malaria. With people getting sick, and meetings, and renewing visas I only actually went back to the farm once - for another cocoa pod breaking day. It wasn't as big a day as the previous one; fewer people and not as festive an atmosphere. Somehow I ended up being the "baby nurse"; watching over my baby brother Gabrielle and holding him while our host mother prepared food.
The days when my host father was traveling or farming I would stay home with my host mother. She seems like a really sweet woman. I like her too because she would help me out, like help me get everything together to do my laundry - but then she'd leave me to my own devices instead of insisting on doing everything for me. It was a nice break from having everything done for me and the feeling of lack of control that went along with that. I did realize though, with help from my group, that families here often function based on an age hierarchy. yes, I was being served food and brought things by my younger siblings - but so were all the adults; and the younger siblings do things for the older siblings. So, I tried to let that appease my guilt at times when I wasn't allowed to help and to accept that having younger siblings carry things for me and bring me my food was actually part of me being included in the family system, since I was the oldest sibling living at home. I did manage to kind of wiggle my way down the hierarchy though by hanging out with my 15 year old sister Barbara. I cooked with her a few times, and even tried my hand at pounding fufu - which is a work out and a half. I even convinced her to eat with me - first at the same table, and then sharing our food. It's amazing how much that made me feel like part of the family - especially since Godfred and the twins eventually started sitting with us too. (BTW, the twins; names are actually Theodora and Dora, though they go by Pani (Penny) and Kakra....or in my mind Fred and George). I never would have thought I'd feel this way, but I ended up really appreciating have younger siblings to hang out with. It was a lot easier in some ways that hanging out with adult, just because they were more chill. They arranged Twi lessons for me, bringing out a blackboard and everything, teaching me food and common phrases and even giving me tests. I also learned a few Ghanaian clapping games, and a board game called Ludoo which is kind of like Sorry or Parchisis but I will never fully understand since a) is complicated b) they never really explained the rules and expected me to pick up as we played and c) they constantly cheated at so I never knew what was a rule and what was just them doing whatever. Those kids are awesome though, and I know I'm going to miss them a lot.
Because my family was pretty well off, I feel like in some ways I didn't achieve the goals I wanted in terms of really living in poverty and understanding what that's like. There were certainly adjustments in my standards of hygiene and comfort, but certainly not what I expected and certainly not what others in the village experience. Though I have seen poverty close up, I still feel like I'm seeing it from an outside view. I've tried though to stll take what I can from the whole experience, and it honestly has made me rethink things like "want" and "need" and to evaluate my living standards at home and what I consider to be enough. Here are a couple journal exerpts which kind of show some of my reflections on village life....
What is enough? The first few weeks I felt I did not have enough; food variety, running water, hygiene, convenience, entertainment - plus things like sense of purpose or support system. Yet as time's gone on I've realized - I do have enough. My family here may not have everything I do - and I want more for them, and I know there's more they want for themselves. Yet they are not desperately poor. They are healthy, educated, have affordable clean water, good food, shelter. They work hard, they have fun - they do have enough, don't they? This may not be representative of all Ghanaians or all the families in my village - in fact, I know its not. Yet it's made me rethink what "enough" is. If my family in Ghana has "enough" than what do I have in Canada? More than enough, for sure. Too much? maybe. It's hard to want things so badly now that I've come to the realization that I can live pretty comfortably without a lot less. Part of me wishes I had been able to spend more time with the poorer families in my village; to reevaluate further what is want and what is need. For my own personal growth and the way I think about stuff. I think this experience and realization will make it harder to justify buying things I know I don't need - and to step back and reevaluate the true costs of what I use or buy - be it water, clothes, food, entertainment. I know ween I come home old habits with return. I can only try to keep this experience in mind when returning to the world of North American Consumerism and struggle to live simply; making sure that I have enough, and that anything extra comes at a reasonable cost - to myself, the environment and society.
...
Being here has made me much more aware of how I live. Just being in Nkawkaw and showering made me think about how much water I use - and what its like to have to pump and carry home all the water I use in the bath, and over the course of the day. Everything I throw away, never to think about again makes me think of the small dump behind the house and the garbage fires my family burns. Seeing that garbage on my families property, around their home makes me much more aware and even ashamed of every package, water bag, empty pill bottle. We get away with so much in Canada - at least, in my city and class - and it's so easy to ignore the effects of our actions on the environment and the amount we consume because we never really have to see so many of the consequences. I hope this awareness stays with me - even as I also hope it doesn't. Secretly I wish I could continue to enjoy oppullence without any guilt. In a way, being here make me question how we in the west can live with so much, benefiting from economic systems which keep others living with less. Yet i am also more aware of why we do continue to live this way, maintaining the privileges which allow us so much comfort, convenience and wealth. It can be so easy to justify, and so hard to sacrifice. And I really don't have any answers on how to fix it all anyway. I hope I can hold myself accountable for my lifestyle without being paralyzed by guilt. Most of all I hope I never fall into the trap of thinking I know enough to decide what those in the majority world need or deserve, without questioning what I myself need or deserve. Because its easy to say certain families here have "enough" but that also doesn't mean they don't want or deserve more. And just because I'm used to a certain way of life, doens't mean I deserve it anymore than those who've never experienced it. I wish we all had the same opportunities and the same desire for balance. But that's not the case.
My host sister has asked me to buy her a laptop before I left. I explained that laptops are expensive and that I'm only a student so I don't have much money. I also explained (probably to appease my own guilt) that it wouldn't work in Ghana, because Canadian outlets are different. It really brought a lot home though. Because I know I will not buy her a laptop. Yet I also know that I will never give up my laptop. To me, that's a need. Yet who am I to decide that she doesn't need one as well? And is it my responsibility to buy her one if it is a need?Trying to reflect on "enough" brings up so many uncomfortable questions about what enough is and how someone from the west (eg me) can possibly decide what enough is for people here. I included these entries anyway, embarassing and naive as they may be though, because I think they represent the struggle that's been going on in my head and heart throughout the village stay. Loving my family, and loving my home in the village, but also knowing that I am returning to my home and all its luxuries. It's hard not to think in "development" mode, and to try not to analyze but just to experience. And I think it's going to be a very long time before I make any kind of sense out of what I've seen and lived and what it means for my lifestyle as well as for any potential career in the development sector.
For now though, I'm on travel time. It's been a shock going from village stay to tourist mode. Right now, I'm proud of myself for the personal growth I experienced in terms of being able to live away from my family and outside my comfort zone and to get to a place where homesickness ebbed as much as is has. I'm also trying not to be too hard on myself for not having new and deep insights and to realize that the village stay it one part of my experience, one part of my life and that it was never going to give me any answers - just more questions. And that's not a bad thing.
For now, I'm travelling so I'll update when I can! Hopefully I also get more opportunities to reflect on my village time and to relate more stories and struggles and feelings. Try not to judge me to harshly - it's hard when you're in the middle of it all trying to make sense.
Merry Christmas to everyone!!!
